Sooner or later an individual has to move into modernity. And that is what I have done today by beginning to blog, first of all; moreover, I am creating this blog using the dictation program Dragon.
Whether or not what I'm going to say/create here via this technology will actually be seen/read by anyone else is really of no consequence. To a certain extent, it is merely therapy; I'm reclining on the couch speaking to a $500 an hour shrink who happens not actually to be in the room with me. Perhaps what I have to say, the reflections I will share here, will simply reverberate, organize themselves, and take on a meaning that makes some sense of what I'm about to say.
Long ago I had thought in terms of someone's being down and out so to speak, a sort of ebb tide of life. And I thought of how that person might take hold of what was his or her current reality and change his or her life for the better; something along the nature of pulling oneself up by one's own bootstraps. But that kind of thinking was purely theoretical because I did not consider myself in that particular position, and so didn't apply that reasoning to myself because it was not pertinent at the moment.
But now that kind of thinking, in terms of my own life, is pertinent indeed. Not that I am down and out; I have however, come to a place where I need a change of my life. I am in constant pain, the cause of which arrived at the diagnosis of which has not as of yet been forthcoming. Whether it is related to my profession, and my lack of attention to "ergonomic posturing" in terms of my addressing patients, I am unsure. Or, whether I have in fact developed fibromyalgia – again, there has been no official diagnosis – again, there is no certainty here. What I do know is that my life centers around my constant experience of pain.
Pain is indeed a relative term; I understand that it is something comparable to the rungs of the ladder in this sense: on a ladder with 100 rungs I may simply be occupying the 10th or 15th rung from ground level, whereas another individual might be experiencing the 75th rung (with the level of rungs representing levels of pain, with number 1 being the most bearable while number 99 is excruciating pain). So for me to complain about my pain might be something of laughing matter to an individual who is suffering far worse pain than I know or can no. However, to me it is pain. It may simply be "puppy love", nevertheless to the puppy it is love.
In essence, I may be faced with the proposition of having to change careers. In and of itself that would not be such a difficult thing, except for the fact that number one, I'm 54 years of age, and number two, the present economy does not bode well for the prospect of career change. Having said that I realize of course that I'm talking very negatively and that negativity hardly produces positive results. So prior to there being a change of my life, there must be a change of my attitude. I do believe, as the saying goes, once attitude determines one's altitude.
More on this at some other time.
Hmm... alas, it is too late to edit what I just wrote. I see now that it will be absolutly imperative to read and re-read a potential blog posting before hitting the button that launches the 'manuscript' into cyberspace. So if you read that first post and find-which you most certainly will-some misplaced words/thoughts, and some obvious errors that even a public-school graduate can identify, I beg your indulgence...
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